On Why Legolas Never Sits
by Erfaciel
Summary: Have you ever noticed the our favorite elf never sits down? Here's one explanation as to why........WARNING: This be slash! Also, explanation chapter added.
1. Default Chapter

On Why Legolas Never Sits   
By: Erfaciel   
  
Disclaimer: Surely if you think that The Lord of the Rings is mine then you are from   
another dimension! (My dream dimension, I might add) ^_~ Nope, everything you read   
belongs to Tolkien, etc.   
  
Comments: Um, I just decided to right this when I noticed that Legolas never sits down.   
In Moria he stands, in Rohan he stands….HE NEVER SITS!!!   
  
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"Ah! Finally there is some rest to be had. Five long days and nights with almost   
no rest and even less food, and now there is beer a-plenty and much meat for the eating!"   
The Dwarf's deep voice boomed down the nearly empty chambers of the hall of King   
Theoden. Servants were a bit startled to hear such a rough voice raised in the hall of the   
King, but those who had seen the antics of their new visitors earlier that day just smiled   
and shook their heads.   
  
Gimli, often oblivious to everything but the enemies in front of his face, went on   
praising the Valar for the delights of Edoras. He swung down the halls singing like he   
was a crazy elf. Speaking of crazy elves….   
  
"LEGOLAS! You strange creature, where are you when there is a good meal to   
be had!" He turned the corner into the rooms provided for him and his companions. He   
was about to knock on the door to Aragorn's room and ask for the elf when he heard the   
strangest sound.   
  
Laughter? Too light and merry to be the Ranger and no laughter was to be heard   
from the other human inhabitants of this hall. "There you are my silly friend!" He cried to   
himself. His hand had just lighted upon the doorknob of the room from which the sound   
came when it opened and out stumbled a blond-haired elf. The fair creature did not spot   
the Dwarf, for he was far too busy rearranging his apparel to notice something that did   
not come to eye level. Several cries later both were on the floor, cursing and laughing.   
  
"Stupid dwarf! Why do you try to trip me?"   
  
"Trip you Crazy Elf? Why you tried to tackle me!" Deep rumbling and merry,   
tinkling laughter issued from the companions as they finally disentangled themselves.   
  
"Surely not! I was merely not watching where I was going." A snort was the only   
answer he received. "Oh but Gimli, let us not discuss this any further. I heard you   
bellowing for a meal and I would like to join you."   
  
"I would enjoy the comforts of this hall, as well." Came a voice from behind   
them. Both turned to face the smiling Aragorn.   
  
"Then come," bellowed Gimli, "for I fear that my stomach will not permit me to   
wait a moment longer for a bite of that roast mutton I saw earlier." He went on ahead,   
confident that his friends were following. For several moments he walked carelessly,   
thinking only of the delicious food ahead, but when a light laugh and a slightly lower   
chuckle sound from behind him, he remembered just where both the man and the elf had   
come. Turning abruptly, he posed the question; "Legolas, why were you in Aragorn's   
chambers?"   
  
The elf and the man stopped, startled, turned to stare at one another, and then   
faced Gimli. Aragorn looked unsettled, as if he had lost a trail, and Legolas was frowning   
and trying to avert his eyes.   
  
"Why I-"   
  
"We were just-" Both looked away quickly when their excuses came out at the   
same time. Gimli merely looked at them with a puzzled expression. What on earth was   
there to be so flustered about?   
  
"Tell me already!" He huffed, their fidgety movements starting to annoy him. He   
watched as Legolas turned to Aragorn, and then as they both looked back at him. "I'm   
waiting."   
  
"We were discussing the matter of Grima Wormtounge." Aragorn finally   
announced, straight faced. Legolas' lips twitched a little, but the dwarf noticed nothing.   
  
"Do not bother with that Orc! He is nothing but Uruk fodder and deserves no   
more thought." He then proceeded to march into the main hall, singing the praises of   
good beer at the top of his lungs.   
  
"Surely, the stupid dwarf is not THAT stupid."   
  
"Legolas, he is not that stupid, he is merely THAT clueless." They both laughed   
and followed their stout friend into the hall.   
  
* ~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
Between burping and wiping the froth away with his beard, Gimli listened to the   
conversation taking place over the fate of Rohan and observed the standing figure of his   
elven friend. Not really caring about the troubles of this small country except for the fact   
that it would give him a chance to fight, he shifted his full attention the stately figure   
leaning against the wooden post.   
  
The elf was listening intently to the dialogue, his keen blue eyes watching   
Aragorn as he argued with the aging Theoden. And yet again, the Dwarf noted   
disgustingly, he was standing. "Always standing." He muttered under his breath. Even in   
Moria, while waiting for the Wizard to remember his way, Legolas had been standing. In   
fact, the only times that Gimli could remember seeing the elf sit was in the Council at   
Rivendell and on the horse that the Riders of the Mark had provided. He remembered that   
even in the face of this gift from the Valinor (or so Gimli thought, remembering ruefully   
the blisters upon his feet from three days of running), Legolas had seemed   
uncomfortable. He knew it was not fear of the horse, as in his case, it seemed to him that   
it was more of a physical discomfort.   
  
"It is Theoden, not Aragorn, who rules Rohan." These words interrupted Gimli's   
reverie. He took a drink, glaring at the raging King with a challenge in his eyes, and then   
took a drink of his beer as the King stormed out of the room. He wiped the beer from his   
face with his already sodden beard and turned his stare to Legolas, who was smiling   
comfortingly to Aragorn and was STILL standing.   
  
"For Aulë's sake, crazy elf, have a seat!" The elf turned startled eyes to him.   
  
"What?"   
  
"You heard me," Gimli growled," and you must be tired, we have hardly had a   
rest after that three day marathon," he snorted disdainfully," and I know that even an elf   
tires."   
  
"I thank you for your concern, but I am not tired." Despite these calmly spoken   
words, Gimli could have sworn on Frodo's mithril tunic that a slight rose color was rising   
in the elf's cheeks. Was that a blush? An elf, blushing? This new development   
completely dispelled the common dwarf teaching that elves were incapable of modest (or   
immodest, depending) feelings, and therefor colorings. This matter did not stay upon his   
mind for long, however, as he balked at his friends' words.   
  
"Nonsense!" He bellowed, making Aragorn tear his eyes away from the elf in   
astonishment and regard him with amusement. "SIT!" He cried again. Seeing that his   
antics were being ignored by Legolas and laughed at by Aragorn, he decided to take   
matters into his own hands. He stood up, bodily lifted the elf, and sat him down with   
enough force to make the table shake.   
  
"AAAHHHH!!!!"   
  
The servants who had earlier laughed and wondered at the joyful ramblings of the   
dwarf now dropped dishes, let baths overflow, and generally acted in a state of   
astonishment at the pain-filled cry echoing in the halls.   
  
Legolas screamed in pain, startling the dwarf. He then jumped as quickly as   
elvenly possible from his seat, overturning the bench in the process. Lacking his natural   
grace, he lost his balance and started to fall. Aragorn rushed to his side, catching the slim   
body easily.   
  
Gimli was, naturally, astonished. Why was the elf asking so strangely? He voiced   
his confusion and was even more mystified when Aragorn, the quaking elf in his arms,   
glared at him. He expected angry words, or at least an explanation, but the Ranger merely   
gave murderous glances and murmured soothing words to the sweating Legolas.   
  
Yet another Dwarf teaching shattered. (Elves DO sweat!)   
  
As the Ranger marched off angrily, Gimli could only stand amazed. What on   
Middle-Earth had just happened? He sat down with a thud.   
  
Okay, let's review.   
The Elf and Aragorn in a room, coming out with what he now realized to be   
embarrassment.   
  
Legolas never sitting, or, when forced to do so, exhibiting obvious signs of pain.   
  
What seemed to be, Gimli thought blushing, signs of more than friendly affection   
between Aragorn and Legolas.   
  
Suddenly, understanding dawned. It's a good thing that I wear this beard and   
helmet, Gimli thought. Dwarves aren't supposed to blush either.   
  
"So THAT'S why Legolas never sits down."   
  
~Hehehehe ^_^ Amusing, ne? Thanks to Dean for the idea! (hope you enjoyed it you   
hentai!) Review please, or flame, either one I can deal with! (Anyone seen my sword? I   
thought I might sharpen it a little…. ^_~) 


	2. Explanation

Ok, this short little explanation chapter is here purely to thank those of you who reviewed, and to answer certain questions……*hehe* ^_^ 

So, first of all, THANK YOU!!!! You guys are great, and I'm glad that so many of you read, let alone enjoyed my story! (even if some didn't understand….*sweatdrops*) Even for those of you who didn't like it * glares * thank you for taking the time to read and review, I appreciate everything! 

My thanks to: 

Lady of Stars 

Chrissy Greenleaf 

Achika-chan 

Noshaan 

Lady Arabella Sedai 

Celestra 

Silver Dragon 2488 

Cookiesandcreme 

Cleopatra VII 

Be'lea Fayr'wing 

Jessie Weasley 

Sophie V 

Lil Loki Puck 

Sakura 

Rd 

Addicted 

Mercuryrising 

Aha 

Tori 

Ivory Tower 

Lou 

Riekon 

Sweet-e452 

Clarista 

ZonyBone 

Autumn 

Ice Demon 

Thexquisitecorpse 

Vana Burke 

I'm sorry if I got anyone's name wrong! ^_~ What can I say, I'm not very good at typing! 

Special Notes: 

Hjjj: One question for you: Are you even literate?! 

Believer: Thank you for the great review! I actually went back and watched the entire movie so that I could see if Legolas actually smoked in Moria. You are so right! ^_^ 

Camlost: Thank you soooo much for your wonderful review! I will try to write more LOTR in the future. 

The Greenleaf One: Your review has to be the best review that I have ever gotten! *glomps * THANK YOU!!! You just made my entire day when I read that, and let me say, that is something because the day was pretty sucky up until that point! ^_^ 

And now, for the moment that you have all been waiting for…..* drumroll * THE EXPLANATION! 

For those of you who did not understand the humor of my little story, a few key points. 

!) Aragorn and Legolas are meant to be more than friends in this fic, they are meant to be lovers. Yes, that means that they are gay. 

2) When I say lovers, I mean lovers. * giggles* Yeah, THAT kind of love. 

3) Hopefully, I do not have to explain gay sex. Let's just say that a certain part of your anatomy gets used and abused if you are on bottom. (which Legolas is, all the time!) 

4) Aragorn is a REALLY good lover. Has a lot of endurance, catch my drift? 

So, to put it in plain and probably crude terms: 

Aragorn and Legolas fuck too much and too hard, and poor little Legolas is always on bottom, which means that his behind is SORELY abused. ^_^ 

Thanks everybody and I hope that this clears it up! 

More questions? E-mail me! ^_~ Ja.


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